Mungagan

Hi to anyone who is reading. I’m so sorry for my constant absences. I appreciate your coming back to check up on me, a lot. I want to write, but nothing seems to come out these days. The truth is I am not doing very well, and I don’t know how to turn this around. Not suicidal or anything like that, just… really, really lost. Alone almost all the time now, and I’m not good at being alone like this … or probably I am … I am not sure … A new job is what I am anticipating but the change is not what I expected and … anyway. By the way, I'm going on a training on Credit Management, a training I have been looking for some time now. This would be my third time in BIBM this year, probably a record

I often find myself making my way along the road among the huge trees between my home and the university, dragging my feet and wanting to just sit out there watching the leaves and birds, completely loathe to set foot on the campus. The city I live in is “miserable”, if that is the right word. Though I have a new very good friend at the school, but you know how it is with people you don’t know well; you can’t share stuff like this. I’m trying to remain “positive” as people say, but it’s hard to know exactly what that means. If it means keeping a smile on my face for other people so they don’t feel uncomfortable, I’m great at that. If it means finding cheer and meaning in things that you find hard to see any positive points in, then I’m very confused and probably not the best company. All I know is that I want to get my life back in balance, to enjoy things again, to have rich time for myself, and to share time with someone I care about. I want to write regularly here again without always sounding as if it is the end of the world. And to be back in touch with all of you. And be able to look and see photos again. It’s all unsteady right now.

I am right now facing one of the toughest things on earth - making a decision. I pride myself as a man with a nerve of steel. But, recently ... I am feeling shaky. I never had to make one as SERIOUS as this in my life. I admit my life is was and is not smooth, but I always lived straight forward and easy as you go and when it was not so ... then always someone either my parents or siblings or friends or wellwishers did the needful. But this situation is unique and never had I thought that I would be, feel so much nervous and lost. ... ... Miracles dont always happen, do they? Life isn't always about what you want ... and you cant possibly make life the way you want it to be. But, I strongly feel one thing. Living a happy life ... that depends on what you wish for others. I believe we all have a curse; whatever you wish for others will always happen to you too. and what you wish for yourself, others will get twice of the same. To live a happy life you should always think good for others and care about everyone. Its not easy... but who said anything in life is easy? Too many questions, very few confusing answers. Lots of people to give advice, but no one I have faith on. Too many people I am fond of and too many people whom I can hurt. I have made a decision, scaredly hoping it is right, also at the same time feel  doubt creeping in once in a while ... ... what if it is not the right one ???

Last night I stepped out onto the street in the whisper of the rain and heard, … is it the singing of the drops??? - their voices clearly invigorated by their long absence - about how amazing it was to be out here in the dark of the larger world once again. I felt a deep delight in their songs, recounting once more the ever-astonishing adventure from the turbulent sea, though they didn’t remember a thing about that; yet they had all traveled to gather here once more and sing the ancient tales to one another in untiring spirit, just as their forerains had done all the way back to the beginning of everything there ever was and ever would be, as it has long been told. They sang on even as I was later falling asleep and lost track of the lyrics. No doubt they went on all night and exhausted themselves. But there's no keeping that kind of spirit down; as this morning I woke to the familiar voice of that steady tenor the sky singing, long thin streams of water falling in the calm, filling the air and misting the hours with all the perfumes the sea has spent the night concoct...

I will again go out there tonight to hear the epic tales they never tire of.

Day twelve update: The Irish-Chinese entry Green Dragon is holding a lead late in week two of the Volvo Ocean Race's first leg. The fleet have now passed through the light airs of The Doldrums and have latched onto the south-east trade winds, which should make for an interesting drag race.

As predicted, the fastest passage through The Doldrums came to the western side, and Ericsson 4, and Puma, along with Green Dragon were the teams to benefit the most from this. Late on day 12 Puma was in second place with Ericsson 4 in third and then back to Telefonica Black.

The first leg of the race is 6,500 nautical miles, and depending on conditions is expected to take around 23 days for the lead boats. While heading south is the ultimate goal, most competitors usually make a move west across the Atlantic towards the coast of Brazil, before returning in an easterly direction to Cape Town. The crews are still to work through the light air of the Horse Latitudes and St Helena High, and hoping for some breeze about the cape to make their final push for the finish line.

The Irish-Chinese entry Green Dragon has charged into a lead early in week two of the Volvo Ocean Race's first leg.

Off the pace: Race favorite Ericsson 4 is sitting one place from last in the first leg of the Volvo Ocean Race. The lead had been shared around over the past few days with race favorite Ericsson 4, Puma, Green Dragon and Telefonica Black among those volleying for the front position. However, westward moves by Ericsson 4 and Puma have proved costly to their place in the standings. After leading until mid-way through day nine, Puma has slipped to sixth place. Meanwhile, the highly-fancied Ericsson 4, skippered by Torben Grael, is languishing just one place from the back of the field.

Ericsson 3 and Team Russia are in second and third places respectively, close to the tail of leader Green Dragon. I believe Team Russia performed superbly, as they had a penalty and started last.

Perhaps the story of the leg so far, however, is Telefonica Blue, which currently sits in fourth place despite serious problems early in the leg which saw them make a 12 hour stop in Gibraltar and lose 200 miles on the rest of the fleet.

With the fleet now approaching The Doldrums those in the most westerly positions may regain ground on the field, as, boats further towards the American continent generally make the best progress through the area, which is notoriously short of wind. This could leave the eastern-sitting teams Ericsson 3, Delta Lloyd, Telefonica Blue and Team Russia in trouble should winds strengthen to the west.

To get a live update of all the latest developments in the race, and see regular positional updates visit the official Volvo Ocean Race tracker.

The first leg of the race is 6,500 nautical miles, and depending on conditions is expected to take around 23 days for the lead boats. While heading south is the ultimate goal, most competitors usually make a move west across the Atlantic towards the coast of Brazil, before returning in an easterly direction to Cape Town. The crews are still to cross the Doldrums on the leg, before also working through the light air of the Horse Latitudes and St Helena High, and hoping for some breeze about the cape to make their final push for the finish line.

Goddddd, I love this sport. I'm talking about Mainsail. Eight top of the notch sailing machines left Alicante, Spain, on Saturday 11th. heading towards Cape Town, South Africa. Even though the Atlantic is large body of water, the leader boat is 146 nautical miles ahead of the last boat as I write this post. Team Puma is the USA entry and is leading the pack, closely followed by the Ericsson's boats. Once again, the world is the race course and crews, designers, boat builders and sailmakers have been pushed to their limits. This time the VOR 70's are crewed by 11 members; it seems a lot of people, but think that a J/24 carries 5 crew members and sometimes is hands full, so this guys are being pushed to the limit and are not only pursuing finishing the race or even win it; there are records that are still waiting to be broken. There are still more than 5,000 miles to go before approaching Cape Town. Keep an eye on the 8 in the blue.

I read this in an old magazine on Monday last. Liked it and thought of sharing with you.

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;

We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We know too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, and watch TV too much.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.

We've conquered outer space, but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.

These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.

These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet.

Couple of days ago, I took a taxi to go to my class at around 6.15 pm after having a client meet at Banani. It was pouring when I got stuck in Kazi Nazrul Islam Avenue infront of BTTB Bhaban. A little girl in a purple colored worn frock with white Beli flowers was walking on the side of the street. In the downpour I could only distinguish a figure of purple moving at snail pace. Sidling up to my taxi door she knocked on the window. Her big brown eyes met mine as she leaned her head against my window, her eyelashes dripping with rain (or was it tears?) I could see now that her hair was almost blond from the exposure to the sun. Her voice was carried far away by the sound of rain. Suddenly a loud rumble of thunder cracked through the air, and we both jumped, startled. If I rolled down my window now I would get drenched. I shook my head at her, as if to say “No, Go Away.” She walked away slowly. The thunderstorm slowly ate up the small splash of purple, until I could no longer see it. My cab moved forward, and she got lost leaving a confidence breaking print in my memory.

Kazi Nazrul Islam er ‘Samyabadi’ kobata ta porlam. Ekhon jodio ami Capitalism er potakadhari, kintu ekshomoy amio Shomajtontrer shopno dekhtam. Vabtam manusher prokrito mukti to evabei hobe. Communism protita chelekei tar chotobelay shopno dekhay. Kaler bibortone ekshomoy shei cheletai hoye uthe bortoman. Kobitata pore vablam, shompurno shoshonmukto, srenihin shomaj ki sudhui ekta shundor shopno? Eke bastobe rup debar khomota ki manusher ache? Manusher choritrer ontornihito boiporitto – shomovattritto ar sharthoporotar lorai ki choltei thakbe?

Amra kothay bash korchi? Kon pothe cholechi? Kon pothe ashbe shomosto manusher mukti? Adou shei mukti ki konodino ashbe? Tar agei ki dhongsho hoye jabe prithibi, kinba manob shovvota? Ami ekta kotha mone prane bisshash kori, manobsovvota jokhon dhongsho hobe, ta Nuclear weapon or Chemical and Biological warfare dara hobe na, … hobe bonchito manusher dirghoshashe.